The Voyage
It was the 2nd of November, Halloween's just left w/out saying goodbye. It's really stucked on my mind, after the event that changed my life..... in more ways I could never imagined. That early morning breeze, It's so cool! If the inventor of the famous phrase "Picture Perfect" saw something so moving, amazing & breathtaking at the same time. They've probably saw what i saw, or rather 'Experienced". It was better than Aurora or any exploding star for that matter.
I don't know if it's just me being high (Metaphorically speaking) by not sleeping for 1 day since were in the LOYOLA CEMETERY paying our respects and remembering our DEPARTED LOVE ONES, or perhaps it's just the fact that that thing happened while im very, very conscious. It felt real..... because it's real! it is very, very, very, real..... im not making this up. Even for me that's low, im not that crazy. Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't matter, not now. What's important is what i had gone through. So here It is:
My brother finally woke up after 3hrs of sleeping on a plastic bed that ive set-up a couple a hours ago at Loyola's well maintained grass. We were approaching the climax for our Pu-soy Dos & slightly feeling a little bit, er, sleepy. We fixed our stuff's & said our goodbye's to the one's who lay still on their graves, the real reason why were all there in the 1st place to begin w/. This is their day, or our day of reminding ourselves that it's all fucking temporary?
After packing our baggage (Includes every emotional bullshit & what not, but w/ hopeful aspiration) we said our goodbyes to cousin's & friends, and went on our separate ways. We've walk past the people who also like us, stayed overnight. Beside or perhaps it's above their formerly living companions? Some decided to sleep right there, where they want to be..... w/ their departed. While some made up their minds that they are gonna laid their weary bones in their very own, comfy beds.
Then we were walking right past the RIVER-BANKS (or the now RIVER-PARK) when i saw the sky turn form DARK BLUE to BLUISH GREY to BLUE to LIGHT BLUE in a flashed.
*I know.....
(1.that doesn't make any sense! 2.WTF, that's called "BUKANG LIWAY-WAY" Moron! 3.It's a fucking, perfectly, natural phenomenon..... people see it all the time! 4.I thought this note is something, it's a piece of crap! 5.Lastly, It's a fucking waste of time, so lame..... grow up!
*Just let me continue, all right sit your asses, shut the fuck up & continue reading fuckers!
Then there was the sun, It's like all the souls got down on earth on Nov.1st to visit..... us! Then got back the next day to where they all belong. It was magical. For me, it was then that i learned the true meaning of being alive..... The ability to EXPERIENCE everything from your own P-O-V. "God made man in his own image" and it's our privilege to enjoy all of his creation.
It was the moment of truth, the time that divide my own personal P-O-V between life, love & death as i know it. It was perfect. The universe working it's awesomeness, at it's finest. Or so i think, Ive never seen anything like that, before. It's a very emotional thing, im not Emo though, NEVER WAS!
I had never imagined what lies ahead for me, after that faithful day. Im on the CROSSROADS, not CROSSWORD, PUZZLE but close..... so close. And for the 1st time in my life, i don't know where to go. But i know im thankful, i know im right where im supposed to be. Im alive & free, to do what i want to do. Am i? really? well that's just great isn't it? It was my choice, mine alone. Though my future doesn't look too bright..... least i have one.
I have an opportunity to live, you know uh-mm like, LIVE! It was the moment i wont soon forget. It was extraordinary, more like me..... in a nutshell. I learned the value of everyone/everything Ive got. But it's not a religious experience, don't get me wrong. Im so bless to even walk normal w/out some no-cure-would-destroy-the-rest-of-your-miserable-life kinda disease. Just an allergy on milk which BTW disappeared when i started hitting early puberty. Cause it will ruin ICE-CREAM opportunities w/ the GIRLS/LADIES/CHICKS whatever you call females.
Im scared of them when i was growing up, not scared like they've got any chance on kicking my groin or punching me in the jaw. In fact i took them all for granted, girls LIKE ME FOR SOME REASONS EVEN I DON'T KNOW & UNDERSTAND..... WHY?! I don't get them, but girls always says to me that im nice & sweet! (me,. are u kidding? im pathetic) Many girlfriends i know (KAIBIGANG BABAE,. don't be so malicious! Xp ) I never really paid much attention to their nagging/complaining/difficult/moody/complicated/ ATTITUDE. Then i got to HIGH SCHOOL & everything went downhill from then.
I said to myself when i was a kid; "I would never fell in love w/ this girls, who would want this life huh? imagined being on the receiving end of a shout like "WHERE, IS, MY..... BRA!" (do i look like a CABINET or perhaps an skinny OROCAN?) i wouldn't want any of that!" But shit fuck i made a mistake, i was wrong,. so wrong! Now im in college & i don't feel any smarter or definitely not wiser. But since then GIRLS now plays an important part in my life. They're the 1st who taught me (unfortunately)..... the meaning of EATING MY OWN WORDS (literally speaking!). Don't take this the wrong way,. I LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM & TREATED THEM W/ RESPECT. They're SPECIAL & doesn't deserve to be treated like some chick you just know..... Girl's are our world, She is my world!
Scary & Beautiful = Scautiful, is the word one gay schoolmate once said to described what it's like to FALL IN LOVE..... sobrang churvaness nman yan,. di ko mabura sa isip ko..... prang virus ah?! (read it the way gay people do,. just this sentence though Xp). Since were having a MAALA-ALA MO KYA (MMK) SESSION here;
The Return
It's a curse & a blessing to understand things like an 11 year old would do,. when your still in your 8 year old makulit-age. That's so fucking hard on a kid,. huhu! what? i sound like a girl! probably,. but i don't care! since when do i care about other's people rather than the ones who mean something to me? It's not about me,. It's about our loved ones body,. their body is gone..... but never them. They will remain deep in our hearts & souls..... in our memory,. no matter what.
It still sucks to to know that..... you can't do anything about it. Truth be told i never had a chance to say goodbye to those who i knew since day 1, the day i was born. I never really wanted to go, that's what i remember now. Like a bad dream, It was the late 90's & deep inside i know it was for the best. But as unpredictable as it is, it still hurts like hell. In time i learned to live in a diff. place..... a hostile environment.
Slowly but surely i started to forget about my old life, my old self. It's funny when you think how fast time can go by, faster than a JEDI using a FORCE JUMP/SPRINT! In time, piece by piece the memory.....
Grows back. All i can do was smile, but that smile turns into a frown quicker than you can say "LEAH DIZON". Because i realized, what if that's the last time i will see them..... the LAST TIME?!
I still LONGED for me old life, after 1 score & 1 year i finally have grown up. Or so i thought?! I finally got the guts to show my face to those i left behind a decade ago, when i was 8 years old. It was weird,. im like a book i was accepted & rejected at the same time..... i got a mixed reviews.
You know let's FACE IT, the only REASON if ever we find ourselves in a situation that require us to LEAVE or RUN..... it's because we have to FIND ourselves, in the process of getting LOST. We have to do it, it's in our blood. I may never know the real reason for everything else, but i sure hell gonna make a ..... difference!
Somehow, touch people's lives. Make someone, happy or something. I have to look back at all the pieces of the puzzle. All i can do is smile knowing that, i did what i could..... my best! I may still be the boy who left a long time ago, but he never left. He never left, I remained. On that very straight & narrow street where he grew up. Where he 1st ride his 1st skateboard on the cold, dirty pavement. Where he built his dream from ashes, From the MUDDY BANKS OF MARIKINA". Where he came, from that dust & skate through the mist of UNCERTAINTY & HOPE.
As the lyrics of TIME TO BREAK UP by BLINK 182 put's it "If you want the pain to go away, better sucked-up your pride, and admit you lost her. move on, let her go. Move on, let her go!" Xp
He became the guy who wrote this letter at the corridor of their 6th floor building, north wing that is. Were everybody is happy & stressed at the same time. At the brink of dawn, he stood up & smile knowing that's everythings gonna be alright..... in the end. I may not know what the future might bring, But im sure im gonna kick some ass before it's all over! Xp
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment