If
I had
grown up
in a stable household
with
two well-adjusted
and loving
parents
studied hard in school
graduated with honors
gone to college
gotten a degree
found a decent job
met a wonderful girl
fallen in love
gotten married
and lived
happily ever after
what
in
the
hell
would
i
have
to
write
about?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Walk Amongst The Dead
All my life my parents keep telling me,
Doesn't matter if I want to, doesn't matter if I care.
Doesn't matter if I enjoy doing it, as long as it paid well.
I see my future laid out before me,
Like it's predetermined and I can never break free.
Destined to walk amongst the dead,
Become fat, grouchy, song-less like my dear household pet.
When I was a kid I used to ask my parents for money,
As if happiness can be acquired through material quantity.
It can't be manufactured, bought, sold and wrapped on layers of neat boxes, papers, plastic and other chivalry.
Can only be found in activity, experience and people that mean so much to me.
My only safety is in danger, disaster and anarchy.
I look at all those stupid upper-class,
With their mansions, pools, and boring jobs.
I smile knowing someday I will be free,
And it seems that they never will be.
"Do this things, here you will earn money"
Doesn't matter if I want to, doesn't matter if I care.
Doesn't matter if I enjoy doing it, as long as it paid well.
I see my future laid out before me,
Like it's predetermined and I can never break free.
Destined to walk amongst the dead,
Become fat, grouchy, song-less like my dear household pet.
When I was a kid I used to ask my parents for money,
As if happiness can be acquired through material quantity.
It can't be manufactured, bought, sold and wrapped on layers of neat boxes, papers, plastic and other chivalry.
Can only be found in activity, experience and people that mean so much to me.
My only safety is in danger, disaster and anarchy.
I look at all those stupid upper-class,
With their mansions, pools, and boring jobs.
I smile knowing someday I will be free,
And it seems that they never will be.
Just Like The Movies
We're sitting on the beach, Under the moonlight sky
Beside the campfire, I whispered to your ears;
"You're so beautiful tonight"
You respond with a giggle and a smile,
And told me you we're falling for me,
With seriousness in your eyes,
Then you let me kiss your cherry lips. .
We're both covered with one blanket,
Staring at the stars,
You told me all your fears, your dreams and everything. .
And we made love under the dark blue sky.
We would smile, laugh and talk about how beautiful those stars are that night.
Never mind those awful mosquito bites on our naked skin.
Remember when I told you that story when I was a kid?
I used to think I could talk to bugs and ants,
I didn't eat any of them, or set their house on fire!
You told me you we're six,
You used to get stuck on top of trees.
Unable to come down until your father could get to you,
You're rosy cheeks turned blue.
We both burst out laughing, til tears comes down our face
Like children we play, hoping the sun will not come up
When morning comes a new, We pack our sleeping bags and heads to the unknown.
Together we embrace the future, and hope that it will be. . just like the movies.
Beside the campfire, I whispered to your ears;
"You're so beautiful tonight"
You respond with a giggle and a smile,
And told me you we're falling for me,
With seriousness in your eyes,
Then you let me kiss your cherry lips. .
We're both covered with one blanket,
Staring at the stars,
You told me all your fears, your dreams and everything. .
And we made love under the dark blue sky.
We would smile, laugh and talk about how beautiful those stars are that night.
Never mind those awful mosquito bites on our naked skin.
Remember when I told you that story when I was a kid?
I used to think I could talk to bugs and ants,
I didn't eat any of them, or set their house on fire!
You told me you we're six,
You used to get stuck on top of trees.
Unable to come down until your father could get to you,
You're rosy cheeks turned blue.
We both burst out laughing, til tears comes down our face
Like children we play, hoping the sun will not come up
When morning comes a new, We pack our sleeping bags and heads to the unknown.
Together we embrace the future, and hope that it will be. . just like the movies.
Join the Resistance: Fall in Love
Falling in love is the ultimate act of revolution, of resistance to today's tedious, socially restrictive, culturally constrictive, humanly meaningless world.
Love transforms the world. Where the lover formerly felt boredom, he now feels passion. Where she once was complacent, she now is excited and compelled to self-asserting action. The world which once seemed empty and tiresome becomes filled with meaning, filled with risks and rewards, with majesty and danger. Life for the lover is a gift, an adventure with the highest possible stakes; every moment is memorable, heartbreaking in its fleeting beauty. When he falls in love, a man who once felt disoriented, alienated, and confused will know exactly what he wants. Suddenly his existence will make sense to him; suddenly it becomes valuable, even glorious and noble, to him. Burning passion is an antidote that will cure the worst cases of despair and resigned obedience.
Love makes it possible for individuals to connect to others in a meaningful way—it impels them to leave their shells and risk being honest and spontaneous together, to come to know each other in profound ways. Thus love makes it possible for them to care about each other genuinely, rather than at the end of the gun of Christian doctrine. But at the same time, it plucks the lover out of the routines of everyday life and separates her from other human beings. She will feel a million miles away from the herd of humanity, living as she is in a world entirely different from theirs.
In this sense love is subversive, because it poses a threat to the established order of our modern lives. The boring rituals of workday productivity and socialized etiquette will no longer mean anything to a man who has fallen in love, for there are more important forces guiding him than mere inertia and deference to tradition. Marketing strategies that depend upon apathy or insecurity to sell the products that keep the economy running as it does will have no effect upon him. Entertainment designed for passive consumption, which depends upon exhaustion or cynicism in the viewer, will not interest him.
There is no place for the passionate, romantic lover in today's world, business or private. For he can see that it might be more worthwhile to hitchhike to Alaska (or to sit in the park and watch the clouds sail by) with his sweetheart than to study for his calculus exam or sell real estate, and if he decides that it is, he will have the courage to do it rather than be tormented by unsatisfied longing. He knows that breaking into a cemetery and making love under the stars will make for a much more memorable night than watching television ever could. So love poses a threat to our consumer-driven economy, which depends upon consumption of (largely useless) products and the labor that this consumption necessitates to perpetuate itself.
Similarly, love poses a threat to our political system, for it is difficult to convince a man who has a lot to live for in his personal relationships to be willing to fight and die for an abstraction such as the state; for that matter, it may be difficult to convince him to even pay taxes. It poses a threat to cultures of all kinds, for when human beings are given wisdom and valor by true love they will not be held back by traditions or customs which are irrelevant to the feelings that guide them.
Love even poses a threat to our society itself. Passionate love is ignored and feared by the bourgeoisie, for it poses a great danger to the stability and pretense they covet. Love permits no lies, no falsehoods, not even any polite half-truths, but lays all emotions bare and reveals secrets which domesticated men and women cannot bear. You cannot lie with your emotional and sexual response; situations or ideas will excite or repel you whether you like it or not, whether it is polite or not, whether it is advisable or not. One cannot be a lover and a (dreadfully) responsible, (dreadfully) respectable member of today's society at the same time; for love will impel you to do things which are not "responsible" or "respectable." True love is irresponsible, irrepressible, rebellious, scornful of cowardice, dangerous to the lover and everyone around her, for it serves one master alone: the passion that makes the human heart beat faster. It disdains anything else, be it self-preservation, obedience, or shame. Love urges men and women to heroism, and to antiheroism—to indefensible acts that need no defense for the one who loves.
For the lover speaks a different moral and emotional language than the typical bourgeois man does. The average bourgeois man has no overwhelming, smoldering desires. Sadly, all he knows is the silent despair that comes of spending his life pursuing goals set for him by his family, his educators, his employers, his nation, and his culture, without ever being able to even consider what needs and wants he might have of his own. Without the burning fire of desire to guide him, he has no criteria upon which to choose what is right and wrong for himself. Consequently he is forced to adopt some dogma or doctrine to direct him through his life. There are a wide variety of moralities to choose from in the marketplace of ideas, but which morality a man buys into is immaterial so long as he chooses one because he is at a loss otherwise as to what he should do with himself and his life. How many men and women, having never realized that they had the option to choose their own destinies, wander through life in a dull haze thinking and acting in accordance with the laws that have been taught to them, merely because they no longer have any other idea of what to do? But the lover needs no prefabricated principles to direct her; her desires identify what is right and wrong for her, for her heart guides her through life. She sees beauty and meaning in the world, because her desires paint the world in these colors. She has no need for dogmas, for moral systems, for commandments and imperatives, for she knows what to do without instructions.
Thus she does indeed pose quite a threat to our society. What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be! Certainly it would be different than it is now—and it is quite a truism that people from the "mainstream," the simultaneous keepers and victims of the status quo, fear change.
And so, despite the stereotyped images used in the media to sell toothpaste and honeymoon suites, genuine passionate love is discouraged in our culture. Being "carried away by your emotions" is frowned upon; instead we are raised to always be on our guard lest our hearts lead us astray. Rather than being encouraged to have the courage to face the consequences of risks taken in pursuit of our hearts' desires, we are counseled not to take risks at all, to be "responsible." And love itself is regulated. Men must not fall in love with other men, nor women with other women, nor individuals from different ethnic backgrounds with each other, or else the usual bigots who form the front-line offensive in the assault of modern Western culture upon the individual will step in. Men and women who have already entered into a legal/religious contract with each other are not to fall in love with anyone else, even if they no longer feel any passion for their marital partner. Love as most of us know it today is a carefully prescribed and preordained ritual, something that happens on Friday nights in expensive movie theaters and restaurants, something that fills the pockets of the shareholders in the entertainment industries without preventing workers from showing up to the office on time and ready to reroute phone calls all day long. This regulated, commercial "love" is nothing like the passionate, burning love that consumes the genuine lover. These restrictions, expectations, and regulations smother true love; for love is a wild flower that can never grow within the confines prepared for it but only appears where it is least expected.
We must fight against these cultural restraints that would cripple and smother our desires. For it is love that gives meaning to life, desire that makes it possible for us to make sense of our existence and find purpose in our lives. Without these, there is no way for us to determine how to live our lives, except to submit to some authority, to some god, master or doctrine that will tell us what to do and how to do it without ever giving us the satisfaction that self-determination does. So fall in love today, with men, with women, with music, with ambition, with yourself. . . with life!
One might say that it is ridiculous to implore others to fall in love—one either falls in love or one does not, it is not a choice that can be made consciously. Emotions do not follow the instructions of the rational mind. But the environment in which we must live out our lives has a great influence on our emotions, and we can make rational decisions that will affect this environment. It should be possible to work to change an environment that is hostile to love into an environment that will encourage it. Our task must be to engineer our world so that it is a world in which people can and do fall in love, and thus to reconstitute human beings so that we will be ready for the "revolution" spoken of in these pages—so that we will be able to find meaning and happiness in our lives.
What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be!
Love transforms the world. Where the lover formerly felt boredom, he now feels passion. Where she once was complacent, she now is excited and compelled to self-asserting action. The world which once seemed empty and tiresome becomes filled with meaning, filled with risks and rewards, with majesty and danger. Life for the lover is a gift, an adventure with the highest possible stakes; every moment is memorable, heartbreaking in its fleeting beauty. When he falls in love, a man who once felt disoriented, alienated, and confused will know exactly what he wants. Suddenly his existence will make sense to him; suddenly it becomes valuable, even glorious and noble, to him. Burning passion is an antidote that will cure the worst cases of despair and resigned obedience.
Love makes it possible for individuals to connect to others in a meaningful way—it impels them to leave their shells and risk being honest and spontaneous together, to come to know each other in profound ways. Thus love makes it possible for them to care about each other genuinely, rather than at the end of the gun of Christian doctrine. But at the same time, it plucks the lover out of the routines of everyday life and separates her from other human beings. She will feel a million miles away from the herd of humanity, living as she is in a world entirely different from theirs.
In this sense love is subversive, because it poses a threat to the established order of our modern lives. The boring rituals of workday productivity and socialized etiquette will no longer mean anything to a man who has fallen in love, for there are more important forces guiding him than mere inertia and deference to tradition. Marketing strategies that depend upon apathy or insecurity to sell the products that keep the economy running as it does will have no effect upon him. Entertainment designed for passive consumption, which depends upon exhaustion or cynicism in the viewer, will not interest him.
There is no place for the passionate, romantic lover in today's world, business or private. For he can see that it might be more worthwhile to hitchhike to Alaska (or to sit in the park and watch the clouds sail by) with his sweetheart than to study for his calculus exam or sell real estate, and if he decides that it is, he will have the courage to do it rather than be tormented by unsatisfied longing. He knows that breaking into a cemetery and making love under the stars will make for a much more memorable night than watching television ever could. So love poses a threat to our consumer-driven economy, which depends upon consumption of (largely useless) products and the labor that this consumption necessitates to perpetuate itself.
Similarly, love poses a threat to our political system, for it is difficult to convince a man who has a lot to live for in his personal relationships to be willing to fight and die for an abstraction such as the state; for that matter, it may be difficult to convince him to even pay taxes. It poses a threat to cultures of all kinds, for when human beings are given wisdom and valor by true love they will not be held back by traditions or customs which are irrelevant to the feelings that guide them.
Love even poses a threat to our society itself. Passionate love is ignored and feared by the bourgeoisie, for it poses a great danger to the stability and pretense they covet. Love permits no lies, no falsehoods, not even any polite half-truths, but lays all emotions bare and reveals secrets which domesticated men and women cannot bear. You cannot lie with your emotional and sexual response; situations or ideas will excite or repel you whether you like it or not, whether it is polite or not, whether it is advisable or not. One cannot be a lover and a (dreadfully) responsible, (dreadfully) respectable member of today's society at the same time; for love will impel you to do things which are not "responsible" or "respectable." True love is irresponsible, irrepressible, rebellious, scornful of cowardice, dangerous to the lover and everyone around her, for it serves one master alone: the passion that makes the human heart beat faster. It disdains anything else, be it self-preservation, obedience, or shame. Love urges men and women to heroism, and to antiheroism—to indefensible acts that need no defense for the one who loves.
For the lover speaks a different moral and emotional language than the typical bourgeois man does. The average bourgeois man has no overwhelming, smoldering desires. Sadly, all he knows is the silent despair that comes of spending his life pursuing goals set for him by his family, his educators, his employers, his nation, and his culture, without ever being able to even consider what needs and wants he might have of his own. Without the burning fire of desire to guide him, he has no criteria upon which to choose what is right and wrong for himself. Consequently he is forced to adopt some dogma or doctrine to direct him through his life. There are a wide variety of moralities to choose from in the marketplace of ideas, but which morality a man buys into is immaterial so long as he chooses one because he is at a loss otherwise as to what he should do with himself and his life. How many men and women, having never realized that they had the option to choose their own destinies, wander through life in a dull haze thinking and acting in accordance with the laws that have been taught to them, merely because they no longer have any other idea of what to do? But the lover needs no prefabricated principles to direct her; her desires identify what is right and wrong for her, for her heart guides her through life. She sees beauty and meaning in the world, because her desires paint the world in these colors. She has no need for dogmas, for moral systems, for commandments and imperatives, for she knows what to do without instructions.
Thus she does indeed pose quite a threat to our society. What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be! Certainly it would be different than it is now—and it is quite a truism that people from the "mainstream," the simultaneous keepers and victims of the status quo, fear change.
And so, despite the stereotyped images used in the media to sell toothpaste and honeymoon suites, genuine passionate love is discouraged in our culture. Being "carried away by your emotions" is frowned upon; instead we are raised to always be on our guard lest our hearts lead us astray. Rather than being encouraged to have the courage to face the consequences of risks taken in pursuit of our hearts' desires, we are counseled not to take risks at all, to be "responsible." And love itself is regulated. Men must not fall in love with other men, nor women with other women, nor individuals from different ethnic backgrounds with each other, or else the usual bigots who form the front-line offensive in the assault of modern Western culture upon the individual will step in. Men and women who have already entered into a legal/religious contract with each other are not to fall in love with anyone else, even if they no longer feel any passion for their marital partner. Love as most of us know it today is a carefully prescribed and preordained ritual, something that happens on Friday nights in expensive movie theaters and restaurants, something that fills the pockets of the shareholders in the entertainment industries without preventing workers from showing up to the office on time and ready to reroute phone calls all day long. This regulated, commercial "love" is nothing like the passionate, burning love that consumes the genuine lover. These restrictions, expectations, and regulations smother true love; for love is a wild flower that can never grow within the confines prepared for it but only appears where it is least expected.
We must fight against these cultural restraints that would cripple and smother our desires. For it is love that gives meaning to life, desire that makes it possible for us to make sense of our existence and find purpose in our lives. Without these, there is no way for us to determine how to live our lives, except to submit to some authority, to some god, master or doctrine that will tell us what to do and how to do it without ever giving us the satisfaction that self-determination does. So fall in love today, with men, with women, with music, with ambition, with yourself. . . with life!
One might say that it is ridiculous to implore others to fall in love—one either falls in love or one does not, it is not a choice that can be made consciously. Emotions do not follow the instructions of the rational mind. But the environment in which we must live out our lives has a great influence on our emotions, and we can make rational decisions that will affect this environment. It should be possible to work to change an environment that is hostile to love into an environment that will encourage it. Our task must be to engineer our world so that it is a world in which people can and do fall in love, and thus to reconstitute human beings so that we will be ready for the "revolution" spoken of in these pages—so that we will be able to find meaning and happiness in our lives.
What if everyone decided right and wrong for themselves, without any regard for conventional morality? What if everyone did whatever they wanted to, with the courage to face any consequences? What if everyone feared loveless, lifeless monotony more than they fear taking risks, more than they fear being hungry or cold or in danger? What if everyone set down their "responsibilities" and "common sense," and dared to pursue their wildest dreams, to set the stakes high and live each day as if it were the last? Think what a place the world would be!
What does capitalism make people value?
As Jeanette writes in her article on product and process, under capitalism our lives end up revolving around THINGS, as if happiness is to be found in possesions rather than in free actions and pursuits. Those who have wealth have it because they spend a lot of time and energy figuring out how to get it from other people. Those who have very little have to spend most of their lives working to get what they need to survive, and all they have as consolation for their lives of hard labor and poverty are the few things they are able to afford to buy-- since their LIVES themselves have been bought from them.
Between those two social classes are the members of the middle class, who have been bombarded from birth with advertisements and other propaganda proclaiming that happiness, youth, meaning, and everything else in life are to be found in possessions and status symbols. They learn to spend their lives working hard to collect these, rather than taking advantage of whatever chances they might have to seek adventure and pleasure.
Thus capitalism centers everyone's values around what they HAVE rather than what they DO, by making them spend their lives competing for the things they need to survive and achieve social standing. People might be more likely to find happiness in a society that encouraged them to value thier ability to act freely and do what they want above all else. To create such a society, we will have to stop competing for control and wealth, and start to share them more freely; only then everyone be completely free to choose the lives they most want to live, without fear of going hungry or being shut out of society.
They're buying your happiness from you---steal it back!
Between those two social classes are the members of the middle class, who have been bombarded from birth with advertisements and other propaganda proclaiming that happiness, youth, meaning, and everything else in life are to be found in possessions and status symbols. They learn to spend their lives working hard to collect these, rather than taking advantage of whatever chances they might have to seek adventure and pleasure.
Thus capitalism centers everyone's values around what they HAVE rather than what they DO, by making them spend their lives competing for the things they need to survive and achieve social standing. People might be more likely to find happiness in a society that encouraged them to value thier ability to act freely and do what they want above all else. To create such a society, we will have to stop competing for control and wealth, and start to share them more freely; only then everyone be completely free to choose the lives they most want to live, without fear of going hungry or being shut out of society.
They're buying your happiness from you---steal it back!
Loversong
We were young and strange and we transformed space.
What savage desire moved within me?
I promised to bring you here and make you fall in love.
We felt a wild strength here inside us,
The delerium and fright of freedom.
I found my own voice,
And I spoke to your absence in the warm dark.
I wondered what i'd left behind.
Here your eyes reflected yellow flowers.
And my hands were filled with shifting sand.
Your letters pressed against my wet cheek,
And your hands on me here in that starry field.
The night's pulse made me dizzy,
And i sobbed on a foreign street for the loss of you.
The orange sun slipped slowly behind dark hells.
And the world seemed bigger than it ever had before.
Like · · Share · Delete
What savage desire moved within me?
I promised to bring you here and make you fall in love.
We felt a wild strength here inside us,
The delerium and fright of freedom.
I found my own voice,
And I spoke to your absence in the warm dark.
I wondered what i'd left behind.
Here your eyes reflected yellow flowers.
And my hands were filled with shifting sand.
Your letters pressed against my wet cheek,
And your hands on me here in that starry field.
The night's pulse made me dizzy,
And i sobbed on a foreign street for the loss of you.
The orange sun slipped slowly behind dark hells.
And the world seemed bigger than it ever had before.
Like · · Share · Delete
A is for ANNA.. and ANARCHY!
The following words will not save your life; that, my friend, is up to you.
"Anarchism" is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide what your life will be.
--It means trying to figure out how to work together to meet our individual needs, how to work with each other rather than "for" or against each other. And when this is impossible, it means preferring strife to submission and domination.
--It means not valuing any system or ideology above the people it purports to serve, not valuing anything theoretical above the real human beings (and animals, etc.), fighting for ourselves and for each other, not out of "responsibility," not for "causes" or other intangible concepts.
--It means not forcing your desires into a hierarchal order, either, but accepting and embracing all of them, accepting yourself. It means not trying to force the self to abide by any external laws, not trying to restrict your emotions to the predictable or the practical, not pushing your instincts and desires into boxes: for there is no cage large enough to accomodate the human soul in all its flights, all its heights and depths.
--It means refusing to put the resposibility of your happiness in anyone else's hands, whether that be parents, lovers, employers, or society itself. It means taking the pursuit of meaning and joy in your life upon your own shoulders.
For what else should we pursue, if not happiness? If something isn't valuable because we find meaning and joy in it, then what could possibly make it important? How could abstractions like "resposibility," "order," or "propriety" possibly be more important than the real needs of people who invented them? Should we serve employers, parents, the State, God, capitalism, moral law, causes, movements, "society" before ourselves? Who taught you that, anyway?
*for independent men and women, full time revolutionaries, punk rockers, activists, musicians, artists, human beings.. And for anna.
Life can be beautiful when we start to break free!
"Anarchism" is the revolutionary idea that no one is more qualified than you are to decide what your life will be.
--It means trying to figure out how to work together to meet our individual needs, how to work with each other rather than "for" or against each other. And when this is impossible, it means preferring strife to submission and domination.
--It means not valuing any system or ideology above the people it purports to serve, not valuing anything theoretical above the real human beings (and animals, etc.), fighting for ourselves and for each other, not out of "responsibility," not for "causes" or other intangible concepts.
--It means not forcing your desires into a hierarchal order, either, but accepting and embracing all of them, accepting yourself. It means not trying to force the self to abide by any external laws, not trying to restrict your emotions to the predictable or the practical, not pushing your instincts and desires into boxes: for there is no cage large enough to accomodate the human soul in all its flights, all its heights and depths.
--It means refusing to put the resposibility of your happiness in anyone else's hands, whether that be parents, lovers, employers, or society itself. It means taking the pursuit of meaning and joy in your life upon your own shoulders.
For what else should we pursue, if not happiness? If something isn't valuable because we find meaning and joy in it, then what could possibly make it important? How could abstractions like "resposibility," "order," or "propriety" possibly be more important than the real needs of people who invented them? Should we serve employers, parents, the State, God, capitalism, moral law, causes, movements, "society" before ourselves? Who taught you that, anyway?
*for independent men and women, full time revolutionaries, punk rockers, activists, musicians, artists, human beings.. And for anna.
Life can be beautiful when we start to break free!
For The Girl Who Could Have Been... But Never Was
You hop on there like it was nothing,
You came on board without a sound.
Your presence was almost soothing,
And you're soul was so revealing.
Your skin was soft, They were nice.
Your hair was short, But they were fine.
Your dress was white, With glimmering light.
Your pretty shoes, That are so cute.
Your delicate hands, And quirky eyes.
Are you an angel in disguise?
Your a burning fire, the sun in my eyes.
That caught me by surprise.
You seem to lost you're balance.
A couple of times, You careless divine.
I was wondering if you're okay,
On second thought, I knew you're fine
I stare at you with matchless awe.
You stared right back, with so much glow.
You're everything i want, And much, much more.
With dozens there, why pick me?
Is it my playful mystery?
As you sat with me I realized,
Were just two lonely passerby's.
It's time for us to be apart,
Gee thanks for touching my heart.
You were really cool and sweet,
I wish things were different.
Three hours I waited, Under this burning heat.
Im tired, hungry and it's starting to rain.
But by the time im on the road again,
My thought's are still the same.
I can't forget your smile,
Can't get you out of my mind.
What the hell's wrong with me?
Hey, please i need your sympathy.
Im swimming in a sea of dreams,
Your choking my melancholia.
Im drowning in your're memories,
It gave me hope just like Tracy's.
Time to let go, Move on.
Either way life goes on.
after all, all we are are memories.
I never knew your name, Or what it is you do.
That's why i wrote this poem, for you.
For the girl who could have been... but never was.
You came on board without a sound.
Your presence was almost soothing,
And you're soul was so revealing.
Your skin was soft, They were nice.
Your hair was short, But they were fine.
Your dress was white, With glimmering light.
Your pretty shoes, That are so cute.
Your delicate hands, And quirky eyes.
Are you an angel in disguise?
Your a burning fire, the sun in my eyes.
That caught me by surprise.
You seem to lost you're balance.
A couple of times, You careless divine.
I was wondering if you're okay,
On second thought, I knew you're fine
I stare at you with matchless awe.
You stared right back, with so much glow.
You're everything i want, And much, much more.
With dozens there, why pick me?
Is it my playful mystery?
As you sat with me I realized,
Were just two lonely passerby's.
It's time for us to be apart,
Gee thanks for touching my heart.
You were really cool and sweet,
I wish things were different.
Three hours I waited, Under this burning heat.
Im tired, hungry and it's starting to rain.
But by the time im on the road again,
My thought's are still the same.
I can't forget your smile,
Can't get you out of my mind.
What the hell's wrong with me?
Hey, please i need your sympathy.
Im swimming in a sea of dreams,
Your choking my melancholia.
Im drowning in your're memories,
It gave me hope just like Tracy's.
Time to let go, Move on.
Either way life goes on.
after all, all we are are memories.
I never knew your name, Or what it is you do.
That's why i wrote this poem, for you.
For the girl who could have been... but never was.
Untitled
There came a moment in my life,
Where slowly,
Painfully,
I noticed,
Day after day,
i woke up.....
LATE
Very, very late.
About 12 hours of sleep to be precise.
Then it hit me,
As quickly as you can say am i just paranoid? or im just stoned?
I found out,
I had no reason,
to wake up early..... or so i think.
In fact, my body refuse to go through that phase anymore.
I have no girlfriend to cuddle with,
I got no dog to get me beer on the fridge,
Got no allowance and whatnot.
Why would i care if i'll be having breakfast at noon?
Im not happy, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe a little adventure would regain my consciousness .
I just hoped, that it'll not end in another..... heartbeat
note: this note is written last year, in the summer of '09
Where slowly,
Painfully,
I noticed,
Day after day,
i woke up.....
LATE
Very, very late.
About 12 hours of sleep to be precise.
Then it hit me,
As quickly as you can say am i just paranoid? or im just stoned?
I found out,
I had no reason,
to wake up early..... or so i think.
In fact, my body refuse to go through that phase anymore.
I have no girlfriend to cuddle with,
I got no dog to get me beer on the fridge,
Got no allowance and whatnot.
Why would i care if i'll be having breakfast at noon?
Im not happy, to be perfectly honest.
Maybe a little adventure would regain my consciousness .
I just hoped, that it'll not end in another..... heartbeat
note: this note is written last year, in the summer of '09
The Cosmic Encounter (Burn Bush, Burn!)
i wrote this on 02:14am, Sunday, March 22, 2009
It was a fun day.
People talking, laughing and enjoying each others company.
But most importantly,
Being able to do things..... things that no one thought they're capable of doing,
Being ALIVE
That's an amazing feeling.
Many would wish to be in that place.
A sanctuary if you will.
Where LOVE, PEACE, HOPE and CONTENTMENT
can actually..... exist.
Too bad there's none of that in this generation.
A generation where everything seem's to be a big deal.
Where every actions somehow leads to a problem,
A disastrous consequences,
A fucked-up dream,
A homeless man.
Some child,
Actually millions of starving children.
Dying in vain..... while corporate persona's drove Ferrari's,
Fucked their whores,
Snore Cocaine,
And party Vegas style.
Fun huh?
Nah it's frigging hilarious!
But in-spite of all that,
What makes us continue?
Now i realize one simple truth,
It's the most powerful weapon of all time,
LOVE
Does it really matter?
Maybe were doom,
Condemned to suffer in hell.
Scream in the shadows,
Just maybe,
This fire,
Called love,
Will burn.
Then everything will come into place,
well sort of.
Or were the one,
Whose gonna burn.....
After almost a year..... im still on fire
It was a fun day.
People talking, laughing and enjoying each others company.
But most importantly,
Being able to do things..... things that no one thought they're capable of doing,
Being ALIVE
That's an amazing feeling.
Many would wish to be in that place.
A sanctuary if you will.
Where LOVE, PEACE, HOPE and CONTENTMENT
can actually..... exist.
Too bad there's none of that in this generation.
A generation where everything seem's to be a big deal.
Where every actions somehow leads to a problem,
A disastrous consequences,
A fucked-up dream,
A homeless man.
Some child,
Actually millions of starving children.
Dying in vain..... while corporate persona's drove Ferrari's,
Fucked their whores,
Snore Cocaine,
And party Vegas style.
Fun huh?
Nah it's frigging hilarious!
But in-spite of all that,
What makes us continue?
Now i realize one simple truth,
It's the most powerful weapon of all time,
LOVE
Does it really matter?
Maybe were doom,
Condemned to suffer in hell.
Scream in the shadows,
Just maybe,
This fire,
Called love,
Will burn.
Then everything will come into place,
well sort of.
Or were the one,
Whose gonna burn.....
After almost a year..... im still on fire
This is not a love story..... it's a story about love (working progress) xP
When i saw you smile, laugh and have fun for the first time.
I know from that moment, this is the place that i want to be, with you.
I'd rather be here..... than anywhere without you.
As I watch you sway right through my heart, I realize.....
I don't have the right to judge you..... nor fix you,
All i could do is to give you love and respect..... that you truly deserves.
That even if life would never be simple or innocent again, now i have hope.
There you are..... you are my hope!
And if i can't be with you, it's not that i don't love you.....
Because i do..... i already miss you.
I could only hope, with all my heart..... that you feel the same way too?!
..................................................................................
I know from that moment, this is the place that i want to be, with you.
I'd rather be here..... than anywhere without you.
As I watch you sway right through my heart, I realize.....
I don't have the right to judge you..... nor fix you,
All i could do is to give you love and respect..... that you truly deserves.
That even if life would never be simple or innocent again, now i have hope.
There you are..... you are my hope!
And if i can't be with you, it's not that i don't love you.....
Because i do..... i already miss you.
I could only hope, with all my heart..... that you feel the same way too?!
..................................................................................
Picture Perfect (It's Halloween..... And Im Feeling New Year!)
The Voyage
It was the 2nd of November, Halloween's just left w/out saying goodbye. It's really stucked on my mind, after the event that changed my life..... in more ways I could never imagined. That early morning breeze, It's so cool! If the inventor of the famous phrase "Picture Perfect" saw something so moving, amazing & breathtaking at the same time. They've probably saw what i saw, or rather 'Experienced". It was better than Aurora or any exploding star for that matter.
I don't know if it's just me being high (Metaphorically speaking) by not sleeping for 1 day since were in the LOYOLA CEMETERY paying our respects and remembering our DEPARTED LOVE ONES, or perhaps it's just the fact that that thing happened while im very, very conscious. It felt real..... because it's real! it is very, very, very, real..... im not making this up. Even for me that's low, im not that crazy. Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't matter, not now. What's important is what i had gone through. So here It is:
My brother finally woke up after 3hrs of sleeping on a plastic bed that ive set-up a couple a hours ago at Loyola's well maintained grass. We were approaching the climax for our Pu-soy Dos & slightly feeling a little bit, er, sleepy. We fixed our stuff's & said our goodbye's to the one's who lay still on their graves, the real reason why were all there in the 1st place to begin w/. This is their day, or our day of reminding ourselves that it's all fucking temporary?
After packing our baggage (Includes every emotional bullshit & what not, but w/ hopeful aspiration) we said our goodbyes to cousin's & friends, and went on our separate ways. We've walk past the people who also like us, stayed overnight. Beside or perhaps it's above their formerly living companions? Some decided to sleep right there, where they want to be..... w/ their departed. While some made up their minds that they are gonna laid their weary bones in their very own, comfy beds.
Then we were walking right past the RIVER-BANKS (or the now RIVER-PARK) when i saw the sky turn form DARK BLUE to BLUISH GREY to BLUE to LIGHT BLUE in a flashed.
*I know.....
(1.that doesn't make any sense! 2.WTF, that's called "BUKANG LIWAY-WAY" Moron! 3.It's a fucking, perfectly, natural phenomenon..... people see it all the time! 4.I thought this note is something, it's a piece of crap! 5.Lastly, It's a fucking waste of time, so lame..... grow up!
*Just let me continue, all right sit your asses, shut the fuck up & continue reading fuckers!
Then there was the sun, It's like all the souls got down on earth on Nov.1st to visit..... us! Then got back the next day to where they all belong. It was magical. For me, it was then that i learned the true meaning of being alive..... The ability to EXPERIENCE everything from your own P-O-V. "God made man in his own image" and it's our privilege to enjoy all of his creation.
It was the moment of truth, the time that divide my own personal P-O-V between life, love & death as i know it. It was perfect. The universe working it's awesomeness, at it's finest. Or so i think, Ive never seen anything like that, before. It's a very emotional thing, im not Emo though, NEVER WAS!
I had never imagined what lies ahead for me, after that faithful day. Im on the CROSSROADS, not CROSSWORD, PUZZLE but close..... so close. And for the 1st time in my life, i don't know where to go. But i know im thankful, i know im right where im supposed to be. Im alive & free, to do what i want to do. Am i? really? well that's just great isn't it? It was my choice, mine alone. Though my future doesn't look too bright..... least i have one.
I have an opportunity to live, you know uh-mm like, LIVE! It was the moment i wont soon forget. It was extraordinary, more like me..... in a nutshell. I learned the value of everyone/everything Ive got. But it's not a religious experience, don't get me wrong. Im so bless to even walk normal w/out some no-cure-would-destroy-the-rest-of-your-miserable-life kinda disease. Just an allergy on milk which BTW disappeared when i started hitting early puberty. Cause it will ruin ICE-CREAM opportunities w/ the GIRLS/LADIES/CHICKS whatever you call females.
Im scared of them when i was growing up, not scared like they've got any chance on kicking my groin or punching me in the jaw. In fact i took them all for granted, girls LIKE ME FOR SOME REASONS EVEN I DON'T KNOW & UNDERSTAND..... WHY?! I don't get them, but girls always says to me that im nice & sweet! (me,. are u kidding? im pathetic) Many girlfriends i know (KAIBIGANG BABAE,. don't be so malicious! Xp ) I never really paid much attention to their nagging/complaining/difficult/moody/complicated/ ATTITUDE. Then i got to HIGH SCHOOL & everything went downhill from then.
I said to myself when i was a kid; "I would never fell in love w/ this girls, who would want this life huh? imagined being on the receiving end of a shout like "WHERE, IS, MY..... BRA!" (do i look like a CABINET or perhaps an skinny OROCAN?) i wouldn't want any of that!" But shit fuck i made a mistake, i was wrong,. so wrong! Now im in college & i don't feel any smarter or definitely not wiser. But since then GIRLS now plays an important part in my life. They're the 1st who taught me (unfortunately)..... the meaning of EATING MY OWN WORDS (literally speaking!). Don't take this the wrong way,. I LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM & TREATED THEM W/ RESPECT. They're SPECIAL & doesn't deserve to be treated like some chick you just know..... Girl's are our world, She is my world!
Scary & Beautiful = Scautiful, is the word one gay schoolmate once said to described what it's like to FALL IN LOVE..... sobrang churvaness nman yan,. di ko mabura sa isip ko..... prang virus ah?! (read it the way gay people do,. just this sentence though Xp). Since were having a MAALA-ALA MO KYA (MMK) SESSION here;
The Return
It's a curse & a blessing to understand things like an 11 year old would do,. when your still in your 8 year old makulit-age. That's so fucking hard on a kid,. huhu! what? i sound like a girl! probably,. but i don't care! since when do i care about other's people rather than the ones who mean something to me? It's not about me,. It's about our loved ones body,. their body is gone..... but never them. They will remain deep in our hearts & souls..... in our memory,. no matter what.
It still sucks to to know that..... you can't do anything about it. Truth be told i never had a chance to say goodbye to those who i knew since day 1, the day i was born. I never really wanted to go, that's what i remember now. Like a bad dream, It was the late 90's & deep inside i know it was for the best. But as unpredictable as it is, it still hurts like hell. In time i learned to live in a diff. place..... a hostile environment.
Slowly but surely i started to forget about my old life, my old self. It's funny when you think how fast time can go by, faster than a JEDI using a FORCE JUMP/SPRINT! In time, piece by piece the memory.....
Grows back. All i can do was smile, but that smile turns into a frown quicker than you can say "LEAH DIZON". Because i realized, what if that's the last time i will see them..... the LAST TIME?!
I still LONGED for me old life, after 1 score & 1 year i finally have grown up. Or so i thought?! I finally got the guts to show my face to those i left behind a decade ago, when i was 8 years old. It was weird,. im like a book i was accepted & rejected at the same time..... i got a mixed reviews.
You know let's FACE IT, the only REASON if ever we find ourselves in a situation that require us to LEAVE or RUN..... it's because we have to FIND ourselves, in the process of getting LOST. We have to do it, it's in our blood. I may never know the real reason for everything else, but i sure hell gonna make a ..... difference!
Somehow, touch people's lives. Make someone, happy or something. I have to look back at all the pieces of the puzzle. All i can do is smile knowing that, i did what i could..... my best! I may still be the boy who left a long time ago, but he never left. He never left, I remained. On that very straight & narrow street where he grew up. Where he 1st ride his 1st skateboard on the cold, dirty pavement. Where he built his dream from ashes, From the MUDDY BANKS OF MARIKINA". Where he came, from that dust & skate through the mist of UNCERTAINTY & HOPE.
As the lyrics of TIME TO BREAK UP by BLINK 182 put's it "If you want the pain to go away, better sucked-up your pride, and admit you lost her. move on, let her go. Move on, let her go!" Xp
He became the guy who wrote this letter at the corridor of their 6th floor building, north wing that is. Were everybody is happy & stressed at the same time. At the brink of dawn, he stood up & smile knowing that's everythings gonna be alright..... in the end. I may not know what the future might bring, But im sure im gonna kick some ass before it's all over! Xp
It was the 2nd of November, Halloween's just left w/out saying goodbye. It's really stucked on my mind, after the event that changed my life..... in more ways I could never imagined. That early morning breeze, It's so cool! If the inventor of the famous phrase "Picture Perfect" saw something so moving, amazing & breathtaking at the same time. They've probably saw what i saw, or rather 'Experienced". It was better than Aurora or any exploding star for that matter.
I don't know if it's just me being high (Metaphorically speaking) by not sleeping for 1 day since were in the LOYOLA CEMETERY paying our respects and remembering our DEPARTED LOVE ONES, or perhaps it's just the fact that that thing happened while im very, very conscious. It felt real..... because it's real! it is very, very, very, real..... im not making this up. Even for me that's low, im not that crazy. Maybe, maybe not. Doesn't matter, not now. What's important is what i had gone through. So here It is:
My brother finally woke up after 3hrs of sleeping on a plastic bed that ive set-up a couple a hours ago at Loyola's well maintained grass. We were approaching the climax for our Pu-soy Dos & slightly feeling a little bit, er, sleepy. We fixed our stuff's & said our goodbye's to the one's who lay still on their graves, the real reason why were all there in the 1st place to begin w/. This is their day, or our day of reminding ourselves that it's all fucking temporary?
After packing our baggage (Includes every emotional bullshit & what not, but w/ hopeful aspiration) we said our goodbyes to cousin's & friends, and went on our separate ways. We've walk past the people who also like us, stayed overnight. Beside or perhaps it's above their formerly living companions? Some decided to sleep right there, where they want to be..... w/ their departed. While some made up their minds that they are gonna laid their weary bones in their very own, comfy beds.
Then we were walking right past the RIVER-BANKS (or the now RIVER-PARK) when i saw the sky turn form DARK BLUE to BLUISH GREY to BLUE to LIGHT BLUE in a flashed.
*I know.....
(1.that doesn't make any sense! 2.WTF, that's called "BUKANG LIWAY-WAY" Moron! 3.It's a fucking, perfectly, natural phenomenon..... people see it all the time! 4.I thought this note is something, it's a piece of crap! 5.Lastly, It's a fucking waste of time, so lame..... grow up!
*Just let me continue, all right sit your asses, shut the fuck up & continue reading fuckers!
Then there was the sun, It's like all the souls got down on earth on Nov.1st to visit..... us! Then got back the next day to where they all belong. It was magical. For me, it was then that i learned the true meaning of being alive..... The ability to EXPERIENCE everything from your own P-O-V. "God made man in his own image" and it's our privilege to enjoy all of his creation.
It was the moment of truth, the time that divide my own personal P-O-V between life, love & death as i know it. It was perfect. The universe working it's awesomeness, at it's finest. Or so i think, Ive never seen anything like that, before. It's a very emotional thing, im not Emo though, NEVER WAS!
I had never imagined what lies ahead for me, after that faithful day. Im on the CROSSROADS, not CROSSWORD, PUZZLE but close..... so close. And for the 1st time in my life, i don't know where to go. But i know im thankful, i know im right where im supposed to be. Im alive & free, to do what i want to do. Am i? really? well that's just great isn't it? It was my choice, mine alone. Though my future doesn't look too bright..... least i have one.
I have an opportunity to live, you know uh-mm like, LIVE! It was the moment i wont soon forget. It was extraordinary, more like me..... in a nutshell. I learned the value of everyone/everything Ive got. But it's not a religious experience, don't get me wrong. Im so bless to even walk normal w/out some no-cure-would-destroy-the-rest-of-your-miserable-life kinda disease. Just an allergy on milk which BTW disappeared when i started hitting early puberty. Cause it will ruin ICE-CREAM opportunities w/ the GIRLS/LADIES/CHICKS whatever you call females.
Im scared of them when i was growing up, not scared like they've got any chance on kicking my groin or punching me in the jaw. In fact i took them all for granted, girls LIKE ME FOR SOME REASONS EVEN I DON'T KNOW & UNDERSTAND..... WHY?! I don't get them, but girls always says to me that im nice & sweet! (me,. are u kidding? im pathetic) Many girlfriends i know (KAIBIGANG BABAE,. don't be so malicious! Xp ) I never really paid much attention to their nagging/complaining/difficult/moody/complicated/ ATTITUDE. Then i got to HIGH SCHOOL & everything went downhill from then.
I said to myself when i was a kid; "I would never fell in love w/ this girls, who would want this life huh? imagined being on the receiving end of a shout like "WHERE, IS, MY..... BRA!" (do i look like a CABINET or perhaps an skinny OROCAN?) i wouldn't want any of that!" But shit fuck i made a mistake, i was wrong,. so wrong! Now im in college & i don't feel any smarter or definitely not wiser. But since then GIRLS now plays an important part in my life. They're the 1st who taught me (unfortunately)..... the meaning of EATING MY OWN WORDS (literally speaking!). Don't take this the wrong way,. I LOVED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM & TREATED THEM W/ RESPECT. They're SPECIAL & doesn't deserve to be treated like some chick you just know..... Girl's are our world, She is my world!
Scary & Beautiful = Scautiful, is the word one gay schoolmate once said to described what it's like to FALL IN LOVE..... sobrang churvaness nman yan,. di ko mabura sa isip ko..... prang virus ah?! (read it the way gay people do,. just this sentence though Xp). Since were having a MAALA-ALA MO KYA (MMK) SESSION here;
The Return
It's a curse & a blessing to understand things like an 11 year old would do,. when your still in your 8 year old makulit-age. That's so fucking hard on a kid,. huhu! what? i sound like a girl! probably,. but i don't care! since when do i care about other's people rather than the ones who mean something to me? It's not about me,. It's about our loved ones body,. their body is gone..... but never them. They will remain deep in our hearts & souls..... in our memory,. no matter what.
It still sucks to to know that..... you can't do anything about it. Truth be told i never had a chance to say goodbye to those who i knew since day 1, the day i was born. I never really wanted to go, that's what i remember now. Like a bad dream, It was the late 90's & deep inside i know it was for the best. But as unpredictable as it is, it still hurts like hell. In time i learned to live in a diff. place..... a hostile environment.
Slowly but surely i started to forget about my old life, my old self. It's funny when you think how fast time can go by, faster than a JEDI using a FORCE JUMP/SPRINT! In time, piece by piece the memory.....
Grows back. All i can do was smile, but that smile turns into a frown quicker than you can say "LEAH DIZON". Because i realized, what if that's the last time i will see them..... the LAST TIME?!
I still LONGED for me old life, after 1 score & 1 year i finally have grown up. Or so i thought?! I finally got the guts to show my face to those i left behind a decade ago, when i was 8 years old. It was weird,. im like a book i was accepted & rejected at the same time..... i got a mixed reviews.
You know let's FACE IT, the only REASON if ever we find ourselves in a situation that require us to LEAVE or RUN..... it's because we have to FIND ourselves, in the process of getting LOST. We have to do it, it's in our blood. I may never know the real reason for everything else, but i sure hell gonna make a ..... difference!
Somehow, touch people's lives. Make someone, happy or something. I have to look back at all the pieces of the puzzle. All i can do is smile knowing that, i did what i could..... my best! I may still be the boy who left a long time ago, but he never left. He never left, I remained. On that very straight & narrow street where he grew up. Where he 1st ride his 1st skateboard on the cold, dirty pavement. Where he built his dream from ashes, From the MUDDY BANKS OF MARIKINA". Where he came, from that dust & skate through the mist of UNCERTAINTY & HOPE.
As the lyrics of TIME TO BREAK UP by BLINK 182 put's it "If you want the pain to go away, better sucked-up your pride, and admit you lost her. move on, let her go. Move on, let her go!" Xp
He became the guy who wrote this letter at the corridor of their 6th floor building, north wing that is. Were everybody is happy & stressed at the same time. At the brink of dawn, he stood up & smile knowing that's everythings gonna be alright..... in the end. I may not know what the future might bring, But im sure im gonna kick some ass before it's all over! Xp
Battle Damaged Action Figure
I don't believe it.....
I don't believe it's true
You don't seem affected.....
Like you don't even care
I notice you don't smile.....
And baby you don't try
What happened to you're faith.....
Did you lost in on your way
Look into the sky.....
Maybe you will find
Maybe you will see.....
The better part of me
Im not sure.....
but im not scared
You'll be here, i'll be waiting
Will be free, will be singing
No matter what you do
Whatever will you choose
Remember to forget
Stupid things I said
I don't believe it's true
You don't seem affected.....
Like you don't even care
I notice you don't smile.....
And baby you don't try
What happened to you're faith.....
Did you lost in on your way
Look into the sky.....
Maybe you will find
Maybe you will see.....
The better part of me
Im not sure.....
but im not scared
You'll be here, i'll be waiting
Will be free, will be singing
No matter what you do
Whatever will you choose
Remember to forget
Stupid things I said
Life, Love and Death (It was never about me.....uncensored)
†DEATH: Who am I?†
†I’m a STARGAZER. It's like looking at those bright, blinking, mirrors feels like a complete home video. It's like seeing my whole life flashes in front of me. But it's not a couple of seconds; it feels like a couple of scores. It's like my heart are going to burst in flames or something like that. It has some sort of pattern. All the mistakes, hard work, sacrifices, sorrow, joy, dreams, regrets, up's & down's, motivations, aggravations, beliefs, hopes, the mundane & every goddamn thing in between. It's like reading a book, but u will not go through that getting-to-know-the-story stage coz' it's your life. You already know its web of unpredictability, how it begins. It's just a matter of time 4 you to know how will it end. †
†"I still don’t know why I am here or what I will do with my life... but I’m sure when I’m gone... I have leaved a good mark on this fucking stupid world! Maybe to make this world a better place to live... I don’t feel any shame or regrets...I won’t apologize...Why it feels more REAL when I DREAM than when I am AWAKE? What if my senses are LYING? I don’t care, if u don’t’ care...”†
†"all those years I suffer, those was the best years of my life, it made me who I am, a better person, all the years I was happy, shit it was a total waste, Not total but you get my point, I didn’t learn a god damn thing."†
†" I want to do the things that I love ,I’ll find a way no matter what, when It’s done, then fuck the rest, man fuck ‘em all."†
†"you guys know what a real loser is? A real loser is something that so afraid of not wining, they don’t even try"†
†LOVE: What about us? †
This is me.....
†IM A VERY NOSTALGIC PERSON
IM A STAR WARS GEEK
A FREAK & WIERDO
IM COOL, LOVES TO FOOL AROUND,
WATCH MOVIES AND TV SHOWS
MY FRIENDS ALWAYS SAY I HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT SOME SAYS
IM SO SERIOUS.†
† LIKE TO WRITE ANYTHING THAT COMES FROM MY MIND, IN MY JOURNAL.
FROM DAY TO DAY EXPERIENCES, TO IDEAS, OPINIONS AND EVERYTHING UNDER THE CREAKY DOOR. †
†I LOVED TO EAT AND I THINK EVERYONE DOES, MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN STAR WARS IS DARTH MAUL THE SITH LORD WHO WIELD A DOUBLE EDGE LIGHTSABER, BUT ON THE EXPANDED UNIVERSE ITS DARTH NIHILUS AND DARTH REVAN, THEY ROCK ASTIG TALAGA. †
†I LOVED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND SURF THE WEB,
I HATE POSERS, THE PHIL GOV, GMA, PEOPLE WHO ARE PAPAMPAM,
SEAN KINGSTON, SOULJA BOY, MOVIENIGHT W/OUT FOOD ON THE FRIDGE AND BAD UGLY MOVIES. †
†I PERSONALLY HATE THE SYSTEM W/ IS WRONG, IMMORAL, CORRUPT AND HURTFUL. BUT YOU CANT STAY MAD WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD. †
This is My Girl.....
†Some1 whose PREETY, SWEET, KIND, SMART, UNDERSTANDING, FUNNY, PASSIONATE, SIMPLE, COOL, EASY 2 BE W/, HAS A SOOTHING VOICE, SOFT HANDS & SEXY BODY, why not?†
†LOVES 2 PLAY VIDEO GAMES, WATCH T.V. SHOWS & MOVIES.READ BOOKS & COOKS.GOOD LISTENER & GOD FEARING.†
†Some1 who knows WHAT SHE WANTS & WHO SHE IS.a liitle bit REBELIOUS.Some1 who'll LAUGH at MY DUMB JOKES WHEN NO 1 DOES.Some1 whose FACE will TAKE ME AWAY 2 a BETTER PLACE & the REASON WHY im STILL BREATHING.†
†The SUN & the MOON 2 ME.†
†i know SHE's OUTHERE, SOMEWHERE outhere. and im gonna FIND HER, MAYBE TOMORROW!SOONER or LATER,WHATEVER IT TAKES!†
†MAYBE i already FOUND HER.but if im WRONG, i will CONTINUE my SEARCH until the DAY i SEE her SMILE!†
†i will THANK GOD 4 every SECOND of my LIFE im gonna SPEND w/ her.
i will ALWAYS TRY 2 KEEP my PROMISES.†
†I WILL NOT promise her the i-will-never-break-your-heart or i-will-never-hurt-you crap!†
†i'll BE THERE 4 HER & i will ALWAYS LOVE HER...
until my LAST BREATHE DIES!†
†About A Girl:†
(the one that got away)
†Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there...Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools.It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor.And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake.The truth is, there's gonna be other girls out there.I mean,I hope. But I'm never gonna get another first love. That one is always gonna be her... the truth is u come into this world alone and leave it the exact same way...†
†i looked a her straight in the eye,
like im a kid on my b-day & she was like a gift that i wanted 4 so long & now i finally saw wats inside the box...
i guess she gave me more than what i bargain 4!†
†LIFE: Live, Life!†
† used to be a jolly good fella, but I changed. In more ways, a lot of ways. Sooner or later the inevitable will catch up w/U. I changed coz every effort I made were not appreciated. More often than not, neglected, by the same people who were the reason why I did all those B.S. anyway. Dammit, I sound like a chick! It's not cool bro. it's fucking ironic! XP†
†Top 10 MOMENST OF MY LIFE: so far†
1.The day i was born.
2.When i was a little kid and would go to the roof at the middle of the cold night to stargazed.
3.The day i got my 1st kiss.
4.When im being nostalgic and thinking/wondering what was my past days like.
5.When i hear a favorite song on any given day.
6.When i was dreaming, imagining, seeing, visualizing, things that is beautiful on any given day.
7.When i found god.
8.Everyday My girlfriend and i cuddle together, laugh about many things & made love.
9.Everyday i watch a movie.
10.Every single day since i meet you!
†I’m a STARGAZER. It's like looking at those bright, blinking, mirrors feels like a complete home video. It's like seeing my whole life flashes in front of me. But it's not a couple of seconds; it feels like a couple of scores. It's like my heart are going to burst in flames or something like that. It has some sort of pattern. All the mistakes, hard work, sacrifices, sorrow, joy, dreams, regrets, up's & down's, motivations, aggravations, beliefs, hopes, the mundane & every goddamn thing in between. It's like reading a book, but u will not go through that getting-to-know-the-story stage coz' it's your life. You already know its web of unpredictability, how it begins. It's just a matter of time 4 you to know how will it end. †
†"I still don’t know why I am here or what I will do with my life... but I’m sure when I’m gone... I have leaved a good mark on this fucking stupid world! Maybe to make this world a better place to live... I don’t feel any shame or regrets...I won’t apologize...Why it feels more REAL when I DREAM than when I am AWAKE? What if my senses are LYING? I don’t care, if u don’t’ care...”†
†"all those years I suffer, those was the best years of my life, it made me who I am, a better person, all the years I was happy, shit it was a total waste, Not total but you get my point, I didn’t learn a god damn thing."†
†" I want to do the things that I love ,I’ll find a way no matter what, when It’s done, then fuck the rest, man fuck ‘em all."†
†"you guys know what a real loser is? A real loser is something that so afraid of not wining, they don’t even try"†
†LOVE: What about us? †
This is me.....
†IM A VERY NOSTALGIC PERSON
IM A STAR WARS GEEK
A FREAK & WIERDO
IM COOL, LOVES TO FOOL AROUND,
WATCH MOVIES AND TV SHOWS
MY FRIENDS ALWAYS SAY I HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF HUMOR, BUT SOME SAYS
IM SO SERIOUS.†
† LIKE TO WRITE ANYTHING THAT COMES FROM MY MIND, IN MY JOURNAL.
FROM DAY TO DAY EXPERIENCES, TO IDEAS, OPINIONS AND EVERYTHING UNDER THE CREAKY DOOR. †
†I LOVED TO EAT AND I THINK EVERYONE DOES, MY FAVORITE CHARACTER IN STAR WARS IS DARTH MAUL THE SITH LORD WHO WIELD A DOUBLE EDGE LIGHTSABER, BUT ON THE EXPANDED UNIVERSE ITS DARTH NIHILUS AND DARTH REVAN, THEY ROCK ASTIG TALAGA. †
†I LOVED TO PLAY VIDEO GAMES AND SURF THE WEB,
I HATE POSERS, THE PHIL GOV, GMA, PEOPLE WHO ARE PAPAMPAM,
SEAN KINGSTON, SOULJA BOY, MOVIENIGHT W/OUT FOOD ON THE FRIDGE AND BAD UGLY MOVIES. †
†I PERSONALLY HATE THE SYSTEM W/ IS WRONG, IMMORAL, CORRUPT AND HURTFUL. BUT YOU CANT STAY MAD WHEN THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY IN THIS WORLD. †
This is My Girl.....
†Some1 whose PREETY, SWEET, KIND, SMART, UNDERSTANDING, FUNNY, PASSIONATE, SIMPLE, COOL, EASY 2 BE W/, HAS A SOOTHING VOICE, SOFT HANDS & SEXY BODY, why not?†
†LOVES 2 PLAY VIDEO GAMES, WATCH T.V. SHOWS & MOVIES.READ BOOKS & COOKS.GOOD LISTENER & GOD FEARING.†
†Some1 who knows WHAT SHE WANTS & WHO SHE IS.a liitle bit REBELIOUS.Some1 who'll LAUGH at MY DUMB JOKES WHEN NO 1 DOES.Some1 whose FACE will TAKE ME AWAY 2 a BETTER PLACE & the REASON WHY im STILL BREATHING.†
†The SUN & the MOON 2 ME.†
†i know SHE's OUTHERE, SOMEWHERE outhere. and im gonna FIND HER, MAYBE TOMORROW!SOONER or LATER,WHATEVER IT TAKES!†
†MAYBE i already FOUND HER.but if im WRONG, i will CONTINUE my SEARCH until the DAY i SEE her SMILE!†
†i will THANK GOD 4 every SECOND of my LIFE im gonna SPEND w/ her.
i will ALWAYS TRY 2 KEEP my PROMISES.†
†I WILL NOT promise her the i-will-never-break-your-heart or i-will-never-hurt-you crap!†
†i'll BE THERE 4 HER & i will ALWAYS LOVE HER...
until my LAST BREATHE DIES!†
†About A Girl:†
(the one that got away)
†Love isn't about ridiculous little words. Love is about grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there...Love is an ugly, terrible business practiced by fools.It'll trample your heart and leave you bleeding on the floor.And what does it really get you in the end? Nothing but a few incredible memories that you can't ever shake.The truth is, there's gonna be other girls out there.I mean,I hope. But I'm never gonna get another first love. That one is always gonna be her... the truth is u come into this world alone and leave it the exact same way...†
†i looked a her straight in the eye,
like im a kid on my b-day & she was like a gift that i wanted 4 so long & now i finally saw wats inside the box...
i guess she gave me more than what i bargain 4!†
†LIFE: Live, Life!†
† used to be a jolly good fella, but I changed. In more ways, a lot of ways. Sooner or later the inevitable will catch up w/U. I changed coz every effort I made were not appreciated. More often than not, neglected, by the same people who were the reason why I did all those B.S. anyway. Dammit, I sound like a chick! It's not cool bro. it's fucking ironic! XP†
†Top 10 MOMENST OF MY LIFE: so far†
1.The day i was born.
2.When i was a little kid and would go to the roof at the middle of the cold night to stargazed.
3.The day i got my 1st kiss.
4.When im being nostalgic and thinking/wondering what was my past days like.
5.When i hear a favorite song on any given day.
6.When i was dreaming, imagining, seeing, visualizing, things that is beautiful on any given day.
7.When i found god.
8.Everyday My girlfriend and i cuddle together, laugh about many things & made love.
9.Everyday i watch a movie.
10.Every single day since i meet you!
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